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Discussion Topic: Farewell to a Competitive Career
Bill Splete added to this discussion on March 13, 2011
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Anthony,
It is not the easiest thing to do, lose, or not reach a goal, take it from me. You have answered so many questions about yourself in your post, your growth, maturity, it is nice to hear, you have not only progressed as an athlete, but as a man. you take full responsibility and have let no one down, quite the opposite you have actually been a great source of pride and admiration,from your teammates, family and this forum. This is a place to find honest discourse and support, all of us have been u at some point in our careers. Please stay in the sport and fill the next generation with all that you have learned and talked about hear. Thank you, and its only over when you say it is. As a coach the challange will be greater, but I know you are ready. All the best
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Discussion Topic: Farewell to a Competitive Career
Hank Kornblut added to this discussion on March 13, 2011
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Amen, Bill. Lots of great advice from many who understand where you've been, Tony. I respect your pain and only wish that you are speedily able to gain perspective. That will help more than all else.
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Discussion Topic: Farewell to a Competitive Career
Grant Varnum added to this discussion on March 14, 2011
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Anthony - first off, congrats on a more than successful career...although you may not have reached your personal goals, in reality, who ever does??? the answer is, not very many do. we all set our sights on being a state champ, or a national champ, or an all-american, or etc etc...but in reality, not many actually get there.
i empathize greatly with your pain regarding your father. i wont make this about me, but only for a couple of sentances...i didnt place at states due to a separated shoulder in quarters (before they placed 8). gave up on wrestling for a couple of years, only to get drawn back into it jr/sr year at college, where doc's put me on the shelf due to multiple concussions only weeks before the tournys. MY immediate thoughts were also about dissapointing dad...certainly didnt accomplish what i had set out to accomplish...not even close.
years have passed, and not gonna lie - not a day goes by that i don't think about the "what if's"...and for you, they probably wont either. but you learn to adjust your questions a bit - like:
"what if i HAD placed at states, and HAD taken one of those scholarship offers somewhere other than John Carroll, and NOT met my wonderful wife there who has blessed me with an overly rewarding relationship, and two incredible little kids?" You know, maybe some things happen for a reason...
"what if i HAD placed at states, and HAD accomplished my personal goals, and then HAD NOT felt the desire and passion and need to stay involved in the sport, and HAD NOT brought a brand new $150k weight room to the high school completely through negotiations and donations, and HAD NOT tried to help transfer that passion and desire both on and off the mat to other young adults?" You know, maybe some things happen for a reason...
As for dad? I have lived years thinking that I "didnt cut it" in his eyes. And recently, he has had some medical situations that have brought our family pretty close. When i see him interact with my kids, when i see him hug my wife, when he smiles and laughs about my three year old and me running cradles and half "nel-a-sons" on each other in the living room...i know he is proud, and that the state title would have meant nothing to him in the grand scheme of things.
It will never go away...but you will learn to make it relative. You will see how what happened with your wrestling career impacted so many other things in your life, and look back on all of it and say, "damn - now i get it."
Good luck with everything - and just know that there are far more people in your shoes than you think...you are a wrestler forever - you have worked through difficult, physically and mentally draining situations many times...its what you have trained to do...its what we have all trained to do...
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Discussion Topic: Farewell to a Competitive Career
Fred Feeney added to this discussion on March 15, 2011
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Tony....this is for you my friend.
I believe that in everyone’s life there comes that one moment, that one clear and concise moment, when the realization, that the dream they have fought so long and so hard for is shattered into a million pieces. Each shattered piece, pierces the heart so violently, that even years later, the mere thought of that loss brings the pain of losing that dream as fresh and as hurtful as if it happened yesterday.
Olympic hopefuls, high school wrestlers, or even the little 7th grade girl not making the cheerleading squad she has dreamt about since she could walk...these are all shattered dreams, and the pain is real, and will live on. It's that pain, I feel, that makes us cherish the simple and good things in life. It's knowing and feeling for others who are sharing that pain, as you experienced, that brings us together in a very unique way.
I don't ever want to forget the battles, won and lost, that I've had while chasing my dreams, for it is those memories that sustain me sometimes. I might not of won this or that, or reached a certain level, or was the best of the lot, but I will never forget the journey. It is within that journey to our dreams that holds the most satisfaction. We stand at the end of the line and say to ourselves....I gave my best and my all. That alone, in the dark of night, when my head is on my pillow, gives my heart solace. That alone…is enough to let me sleep peacefully.
"You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes."
Copyright 2001
Frederick Feeney
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